How NOT To Comment on a Blog

I really had no intention of blogging again today but while cruising one of the blogs I frequent, I saw the unraveling of a commenter who clearly was acting like a petulant child.  It was, in a word, inspiring.  Well, to the point that I was inspired to create this very post.  Without further ado, here is a simple list of things you shouldn’t do when commenting on someone else’s blog.

1. Posting your indignant mouth frothing is never a good idea.  Before you completely embarrass yourself, read through the comments again and make sure that what you think was said was actually what was said.
2. If the blog owner/site runner/moderator calls you out for not being civil, start reining your behavior in unless you want to meet what is casually called the Almighty Ban-Hammer.  Not quite as powerful as Mjöllnir, but its ability to silence you is pretty powerful. For example, if the site owner is telling you that you should stop being a dick, then you should probably do so.  Getting offended by being called out as being a dick to other posters and pointing out how very offended you are is, well, pointless.
3. If the blog owner/moderator let’s you know that you’re being a dick in comments, do not try to turn it back on the blog owner/moderator.  If your best response is “no, you’re a dick”, you lost.  For good.  You have no credibility left with such a response.  It shows your capacity for restraint, self-reflection, rational thinking is basically non-existent.  On a comment thread, you have your moment on the soapbox to either build consensus, present your argument or be funny.  Don’t spoil it by acting like a whiny two year old with a full diaper.
4. The blog and/or post is not about you.  There can be exceptions to this, but in almost all cases, you are commenting on a post written by someone else on something else.  Diving into the comments and trying to make the comment thread about you and your precious feelings is childish.  Taking digs at the site owner because you feel slighted are hilarious to everyone but you and maybe the site owner.  Your fuming is unintentional comedy.
5. If you were expecting democracy on a blog, you are in for a very big surprise.  Blogs are dictatorships and can either be benevolent, tyrannical or any varied mix in-between.  Your participation is entirely voluntary and if you want to be a happy, commenting serf, then abide by the rules set forth.  Complaining about said rules and/or equal time is idiotic.  You have every right to leave.
6. Don’t leave “you suck, I’m leaving this blog and never coming back again” posts.  No one cares.  Seriously, no one.  If you are going to rage quit a blog that has so offended you, just leave.  Announcing that you’re leaving brings us back up to Rule 3: the blog is not about you.
   1. If you feel so compelled to leave a rage quit post, then for God’s sake just leave and don’t come back.  Returning to the comment thread later and saying “I’m just back to see if anyone retracted their comment” looks like a child who keeps threatening to run away but never gets past the door, always looking back to see if someone will stop them.  Again, unintentional comedy.  That snickering you hear is other page viewers laughing at you.
   2. When constructing your rage quit post, mentioning things like “if this is the way you treat people, no one will come” or any other weird threats about how no one will visit your blog anymore mean nothing.  This is especially true if the blog you are on has no ads.  They’re not doing it for you;  the blogger likely does this because they need or want to blog. Threatening something like this to someone who gets tens of thousands of page hits a day is like the one rain drop threatening not to fall during a severe thunderstorm. Just a note; I personally do not get that many page hits, but even my small blog gets a few hundred a day.
7. If you are so offended at said blog and really want to get even, start your own blog.  No, forget I said that.  Don’t.  See, blogging isn’t easy.  Thousands of blogs are started every day but most of them have a couple of posts and then they’re done.  It takes a certain commitment to stick to your blog.  If you can’t keep up with a simple comment thread without losing your shit, then I’m guessing your temperament is not cut out for regular blogging.

Have some helpful additions?  Leave them in the comments.  Nicely.